In part one we discussed why having strong core values and establishing intentions are so important in developing successful relationships.
Now we are going to consider the five remaining tools that build upon your foundation of values and intention.
In any relationship, people are always mirroring back one or more aspects of your own personality.
The mirror allows you to see where you need to work on yourselves and also where you have successfully navigated life and learned the lessons that others are learning.
What is important is that whenever you are in a relationship it is safe to say that no matter how they behave, if you have mastered or conquered that behavior in your own life, you will have empathy and compassion for those displaying that behavior.
If someone upsets you, makes you angry, gets you off-balance, they are showing you where your work is.
The mirror shows you that by your feelings being triggered, being irritated, becoming reactive, these situations are where you would benefit by being responsive.
To use the mirror, look through it at recent challenging relationships and find what is being mirrored back to you.
If people are being cheap to you, ask yourself, “How often am I cheap with other people?”
If people are expecting more from you than you think is fair, ask yourself, “How often do I expect more from other people and I am not fair?”
Whatever is manifesting, in regards to your safety and security, rhythm and flow, personal power, self will, giving and receiving love, communicating or creating, in your relationships you will see a mirror working to help you and the other(s) improve your ability to solve challenges so we can all learn, grow and become more together.
The Crystal Ball
Each relationship we have is a crystal ball. Whenever we are in relationships, we are given the chance to look into the crystal ball.
The principle of the crystal ball is to look at every relationship we have and look at the other person(s) and see how your life will look if you emulate that behavior.
For example, If you married someone and on their wedding day they looked physically healthy and fit, yet two years later they have gained weight and become soft then they have clearly demonstrated what can happen to you if you emulate their behavior for two years. You can also make a time line and progress forward and imagine where they will be in another two years.
If you meet someone who is fit and vibrant, but you are not, you can emulate their behavior and look at their core values. To the degree that you can emulate those core values, you can create another timeline which can show how you may look and feel within a specific timeframe.
Consider the healthcare industry where so many practitioners are sick, unhealthy, overweight, etc., yet they continue to give out health advice every day and yet we listen. They show you by the way they carry themselves, by their very health or lack of, what will happen if you emulate them. They can also show you what happens if you don’t take their advice.
The beauty is that before you get into a relationship you can use this principle of the crystal ball and determine if that person is giving you a timeline that shows you a picture, or reality that you want to experience.
Using the crystal ball intelligently along with the mirror and anything you have already accomplished successfully you will be empathetic towards. With the crystal ball you will be attracted to those people that have demonstrated by the fruits of their labor that they are going where you want to go or they will demonstrate that you are heading down the wrong path.
In each relationship, there are always three things offered to you. We discussed two.
- Each relationship allows you to look in the mirror and see where your work is and reward yourself for what was accomplished.
- Each relationship allows you to look into the crystal ball and use a timeline technique to determine what will happen if we emulate another person’s behavior, lifestyle and/or philosophy.
Each person also Angels you. The Angel appears as guidance, as opportunity.
If you use the mirror and crystal ball effectively, the angel may be that person in the relationship is showing you the inappropriateness of continuing into the relationship. That is a gift.
How often does it happen where a couple are planning to get married or the relationship is getting serious and for whatever reason, one person backs out. Of course the situation is stressful, sad, heart breaking. At the same time, consider how beautiful it is that an Angel appeared in their life. What would have happened if they got married, had kids, had a mortgage then discovered that the other person was not who you thought they were and you now have all the obligations, the debt, and children?
The Angel also often appears as somebody that is bringing you hope. Whenever you are honest, when you are in integrity, when your actions are virtuous, not manipulative of people it is very likely that an Angel will appear in your life. An Angel will help you, guide you, support you.
Angels are usually well developed in their areas of expertise and as such they usually have defined themselves, they have core values.
The beauty of an Angel is that they are people that can help you efficiently and effectively.
The danger is that if you have not developed yourself and have well established core values you can easily abuse and lose the Angel. Be virtuous, be honorable and respectful and the Angel will continue to Angel you.
If you become a parasite, Angels usually disappear quickly. All Angels know that to the degree that they allow you to act out of vice, to the degree that they allow you to use them, they realize they are not helping you, they are reinforcing the pathology through co-dependent behavior.
Angels are in every relationship. They are either teaching us what we need to know to disengage from a relationship or they are there to help us solve challenges. Remember to treat them virtuously.
That is it for part 2. There is more than enough to think about and consider before we conclude with part 3 and the final to tools to turn your Challenges into Successes.
This material was originally presented by Paul Chek as part of a PPSSuccess Workshop: 7 Practical Ways to Transform Challenges into Successes.